Its amazing how many varied sort of women exist in Karachi. You've got the university going 19- 21 years, you have the serious medical students who feel that they're God's answer to helping the less fortunate in the city, you have the media women - which are further divided into the sexy bimbos and the intellectual hotties, you have the early 30s single, extremely articulate and opinionated women, the late 20s career obsessed women, the working married women, and the non working late 20s married women and so many more .. i should do individual posts on all of them,.
All of these groups start their educational and life experiences together and for the most part share the same dreams and goals but somewhere between mid school and university, the family, the expectations, environmental and other social factors come into play and they move on to their own paths. For the most part, these girls different from each other choose new friends who reflect their own tastes and values and for some, they remain together even though their differences are as varied as day and night.
A couple of months, i went to a friends reunion. I had studied in one of the most orthodox all girls Parsi School that exist in today's world and after 10 years, i was dying to meet the old faces linked to amazing memories. It was a facebook blessing and most of them were visiting from other countries and we managed to align a time to meet. After the usual chit chat, i noticed a trend, 2 were pregnant, 3 had kids, 2 were getting married the following month and 1 had recently gotten engaged. And all they had to talk about was marriage, babies, epidurals, kids, husbands, marriage life, epidurals and did i say epidurals?
It was the most claustrophobic moment in my life. A part of me felt incredibly sad that we had drifted so much away from each other but it seemed that i was the only one who didnt have anything to contribute. A self professed relation and commitment phobe who doesn't like kids under 3 years; i was virtually dumb throughout the union. I had no idea about boyfriends, relations, husbands, marriages and unlike the soon-to-be-married friends i didn't really care. I yearned for the intellectually stimulating conversations and the career strategies i discussed with my current friends. And as if things couldn't turn worse, one girl began elaborating in detail - about her pregnancy process. I felt incredibly out of place sort of like a flat chested girl at a Playboy Mansion- it was just too much.
And then the inevitable happened. They looked at me with a pseudo-motherly look and asked me when i was getting married and then when i replied i was quite happy being single. It was as if they dint hear it and began the lecture of how important it is to find a man. How wonderful it is to share the day with someone you love.
tough. It was a tough day.
What i find unexplainable is that when we single women, happy in our careers and financially independent don't feel the need to lecture you on what you are missing out on life then why do married women feel the need to do so. Is it that we carry a sign that says we are too stupid to understand we need a penis for happiness? or is it some world known but hidden secret that women can only be financially independent till 30 and then everything will crash and burn.
Even on the condition that tomorrow it does crash and burn. It should be suffice that i made my own bed and would lie in it. thorns. loneliness and all.
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6 Narcissist speak(s):
You're my desi Candace Bushnell. Loved it! :p
awww... and THAT is the most awesome compliment EVAH!!!
*kisses
ASma, From the very begining people usually tell and show some strong commitment over their future desires and plans, but in the course of time they lack patience, and will not feel satisfications eventually on their said desired perception. Let's see how long you would lie in it. thorns. loneliness and all!!!!!!
@ anonymous- in the course of time people also change, they get different priorities and exposures make them view things differently.
Its not about limiting oneself or holding on to a dream. Im NOT saying that im strong enough to believe i will retain the same dreams - it only shows that i lack any growth or exposure in life. What i meant was that generally, we should be accepting of choices of others. Even if from their perspective its all about thorns, and loneliness!
Asma, I think its also about how you think of marriage and being with someone. When women talk about marriage and having someone to share feelings or whatever they want to share, it doesn't always is a financial dependency. Besides, I don't think anyone can claim that they are not dependent on anyone in anyway. There are always dependencies whether its financial, moral, work related, etc. There are many personalities in this very same world where we live where woman who bear children and had husbands and family still rose to the top and people don't know them because they are husbands or moms of someone but for what they did and achieved. I am sure that these woman also talk about family and kids sometimes. Don't take it as I saying that someone should marry. That is absolutely not true and each person is different. I am just saying to not use stereotype.
Im generalizing the need of my friends to lecture their single friends on the need to get married. I do not think that marriage becomes a deathknell for careers. I know many friends who still work. btw, this debate that we are having is completely off the point of the blog. Its not about family and kids etc, its about how ppl drift together ;)
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